we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
