This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
