Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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