I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize