I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
