My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
