My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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