There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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