yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
