Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
