Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
