so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
