You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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