I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
