I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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