fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
