using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
