OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
