we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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