Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
