What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
