yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
