Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
