oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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