the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
