I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
