remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
