on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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