You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
