btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
