he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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