She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
