So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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