after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
