all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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