Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize