life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
