My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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