He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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