I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
