you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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