i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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