i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
