All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
