Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
