he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
