my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
