Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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