Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
