and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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