its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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