It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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