I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
