does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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