Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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