Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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