I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
