I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
