Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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