remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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