how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
