i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
