I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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