The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize