I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
