We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
