I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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