i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
