I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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