Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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