He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
