This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
