I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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