She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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