and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This baby is an asshole
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
