i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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