Just took my morning after pill in the library
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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