You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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