What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
