i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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