Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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