Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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