the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
