I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
