apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize