in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
