Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i believe in u and ur pee
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
