You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize