don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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