Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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