gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
