Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
