:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
