Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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