Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
