My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
