just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
