youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
