remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
