I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
