I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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