Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
