Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think your dad took our porno
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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