It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
